i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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