I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wear drunk well.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
