I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
