Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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