my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
