I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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