I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
