so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
