My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
