we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
