Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
