I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize