you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
