thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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