ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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