how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
