Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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