i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
