K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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