Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
