R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
