Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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