I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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