There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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