fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
