the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
