we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
