I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
