the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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