girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
