you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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