he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
