my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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