I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
