i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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