Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
