Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I wish there were birth control emojis
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
