You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
