You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
