I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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