he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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