Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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