so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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