so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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