accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
