woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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