Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
