Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
