I murdered the dance floor call the cops
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
