so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
