YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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