I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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