You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
