Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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