After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
