I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
