I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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