I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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