Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
