When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
