Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
