she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
