My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
