Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
