I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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