Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
