i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
