I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
